And In The Never Bloody Mind Dept…

Ok, the blog is again public. Really, the readership was never high. I am not interesting enough, inspiring enough…and I am sick of narrowing it even more in the hopes of deeper conversations and meaningful connections.  Those clearly were never meant to be part of the online experience.

Perhaps not profane enough? Since this was my blog of the “deeper” me. The more “introspective me”? The less ranting and screaming me.  Apparently all anyone ever liked WAS my rants and screaming, swearing and flailing.

So be it.  This is still who I am when not going mad over the latest news splashes of mud and worse.

Nobody conversed in private any more (or less) than in public.  So fear of reprisals or harassment from Trumpeteers or radical Christian sorts apparently was not it.  I am merely too boring, too much a hermit, lacking flash or charm.

I am actually pretty good with all of that.  I may or may not post my continued efforts in the Magical Battle of America.  I’m not really the ‘ra ra, sis boom bah’ sort –I find as many things to be a grim realistic kick in the face as not in magical matters.  Thus, I still do mundane activist things.  Those are doubtless boring, too.  Meetings, phone calls, petitions, more phone calls, letters, contributions.  Boring grown up stuff.  I could rename the blog perhaps: Boring Grown Up Pagan Humanist Blog?  Honestly, I crack myself up.

 

And No Fucks Were Given

I feel like a smaller blogger than usual today. I know I’ve been sick for just over a month, and finally think I will NOT be added to my state’s fatality rolls from the flu, but geez, surely fever and all that cannot be responsible for such low stats?

It is a very unusually quiet Saturday morning here.  Even the cat offers me nothing to work up a “Caturday”post — she is passed out sleeping on the footstool.  The Minotaur is at his veterans group, the sons are at work — no guitar riffs or emailed photoshop work emanating from the building they use for such things.

It has been hard to blog for the last few months.  Not that there isn’t a surfeit of things to bitch bitterly about, but so many other bloggers beat me to that and do a more articulate job.  No, it is more a case of Will failing to wake up from the nightmare that makes the news these days.  I remind myself that taking that attitude to heart will be what makes America buckle under the load of bulimia inducing Orange-“aides” from the White House.  Even over at Herlander, my more political rave and rant blog, I struggle.  I get few comments, few “likes”.  I get some comments I DON’T  allow to post.  Fuck those Trumpeteer guys anyhow, ok?  Likely they are the same yahoos signing my email up for all sorts of instantly junk-filed right-wing newsletters?

But here?  Where I explore touchy-feely me?  Where I contemplate whether or not belief and attempting to change reality to accord with my Will is anything real?  There have been a few outright calls in the pagan-sphere for action, and I SO agree; what have we to lose, really, by smiting and hexing at will.  If it works, yay – go team and if it doesn’t; well, the Kantian in me sneers at Nietzsche and says “Intent counts, you fucker!”  The Nietzschean in me  is doing a RA RA pom pom shake for Will to Power, specially the power to topple hypocrites.

I wrote letters today.  How 20th century of me, or maybe 19th since I used a fountain pen for half of them.  I wonder if my lack of comments or likes online is because I just frankly suck as a blogger, or if people are too afraid, too paranoid to put themselves out there even in such a small way?  Thus, letters to some folks I really care about.  It really is hard to tell; I actually prefer to think I suck than to think people are SO afraid that every comment is noted and passed on to would-be Gestapo sorts.  Because if there is THAT much paralyzing fear in my country?  Well, we have already lost then.  When did we become such wussy sorts?  Do we actually think he can lock up or disappear ALL of us?  Those of us who hate his Administration are actually the majority.

I’ve called or written my Senators almost every day of the last two weeks.  I’ve noted softening in the news about fighting appointments made by our Fearless Feckless Leader who is already ON vacation before a month is done.  I tell you, with the way he has his family spread out and what with tying up traffic and security in several states at once?  They should sell stock in the costs of Secret Service!

Laundry and garden planning, meal cooking, walking till the coughing stops me.  Life goes on, both after possible enlightenments AND after apocalyptic elections.

Sometimes a Hint

1sugar shit…Is right in front of you.

My statistics for this Steel Kachinas blog have been steadily shrinking.  I’m not sure why; I swear and rant less here than on my other blog.  Am I less amusing when I don’t drop the “f-bomb” every second sentence?  I do post more deeply felt ideas here.  I talk about what scares me as well as what inspires me.  I talk about my doubts.  Doubt IS unpopular, isn’t it?

I am baffled to be followed and “liked” by very conservative Christian sorts — and somewhat reflexively put a side comment up about very much NOT being about those kinds of ideas or ideals.  Since that is when my readership dropped dramatically, I can only feel that I was somehow accidentally “sailing” under a “false flag”?

I find this confusing.  But it does open a different way to think about this blog.  I’ve had issues with WordPress for several months now (No, no, I am not dumping and running to a new platform — as I have many times in the past), so I need to find out how to do what I am considering.  Since I apparently confuse the small readership I do have, I am considering making this blog a subscription only affair.

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Perhaps this is only my dark day, dark mood, Fallows-mode talking, I’m not sure quite yet.  But this will likely be the last public post here if I make this decision by the end of Fallows, when I decorate for Yule in the third or fouth week of November.  If I decide to stay public, likely a pile of photographs will appear…

In any case, if you want to subscribe, let me know.  I will only put people who request entry on the list; and I do not promise to list every requestee.  If I don’t know someone (as well as one can online, anyhow), since I likely will take to even more personal topics here under wraps?  I will not subscribe strangers.  Yes, the Hermit is ascendant — why do you ask?

Not This Year, After All

measured starAs it turns out, I will not be starting a new blog here right now.

The long winter nights of insomnia as full moons cast shadows across my yard and gardens are good for thinking, clarifying, planning, diagnosing.

I am not deleting this barely begun blog, although my frustration with WordPress makes me want to from time to time.  Instead, I am taking a sabbatical to explore precisely what it is that I personally “worship” with more of a view on clarity and precision before I begin flying writing  by from the seat of my pants here.

This is a good thing, albeit a boring thing for those thinking I might have something coherent to say.  Go make your New Year happy!