Do you remember all the mournful media and blog postings after November 8th? I do. For weeks there were articles about depression, drinking, eating ice cream, sleeping too much. I could relate. But even then I knew, that stage was not IT. That was the shocked part, not the real down-into-the-valley-of-death-of-hope part.
That part? For me, that part is now. It is where I wake every morning at 0530. I lay on my pile of feather pillows under a feather duvet in my unheated bedroom and tell myself I feel good, warm, and safe. But the truth is, I feel none of those things. Instead, I feel a deep depression and literal sorrow to find myself waking at all. I wake to a world where it seems every single interaction is fraught with extra difficulty. I HATE getting out of bed. But I do, every day.
The Wrecking Ball Administration is running the nation into the mud. People wearing red hats seem to be gleeful over causing misery in people more vulnerable than themselves. They don’t seem to be noticing that their own lives are being diminished and harmed by the same things done to others first. LBJ was right – for some folks, as long as they have someone else to kick, they will let anyone else screw them over as well.
So, I call or write legislators. I blog. I sign petitions. I phone bank at times. I do other resisting things, some secret and protective. I worry. I call friends to check in on them. And yes, I argue occasionally with someone who says something like “Obamanation Care” in my hearing. It pisses me off, the necessity to try talking some asshat down off their high crazy horse of hatred and knee jerk stupid. Talk about abominations! And it frankly has never worked on any of my attempts. They get mouthy. They get louder. At best, they end by looking confused at my refusal to agree with them. At worst, they call me names and stomp off to see if they can find and vandalize my car.
I worry over more war, when our military has more than it can chew right now. I worry about nuclear war and again have nightmares I had as a Cold War Era child, soldier, and mother. I worry about people dying and losing homes over health care debacles; something that doesn’t happen in ANY other first world nation. I worry over stupid-assed religious shit instead of science; and no, not just for climate change. The idea that addictions, even, are best managed by calling yourself a wretch and throwing yourself down before a higher power? Fuck THAT! As a nation, we seem to be losing our collective minds. Crazy people in large numbers, responding to idiotic ideas and raving? Scare me – there it is, I am frightened and being frightened makes me angry.
You wouldn’t like me angry, trust me on this. I respond poorly to being frightened. I broke a guy’s nose once, and another guy’s instep. (Yes, I can SING, since you asked – did it long before Sandra Bullock popularized and named it.) Being a progressive doesn’t mean being defenseless. Nor does it mean I will be peaceful. If a NAZI gets in my face and is making me feel threatened, I don’t care if it is “strategic” or not; I’m going to punch said threatening NAZI because I have a right to self-defense.
Since I mentioned it? Yes it worries me that the media seems to focus on the left and any potential for violence there with much more condemnation than they do when the Rabid Right acts like fucking fascists. Why is that? Surely you do not believe every Democrat, Socialist, Communist, Independent should act like Mahatma Gandhi and just lie down to be beaten, do you? After all, you sure didn’t think the occasional “first strike” antifa types deserved to just beat down those poor white supremacist asshats at Charlottesville, did you? That is a really interesting sort of double standard you media sorts have there. So why does being “of the left” mean you cannot defend yourself?
Let me say, openly, down here in the valley of “now”? Where hope is dying as I see more and more of what Trump does treated as normal, as I watch GOP Congressional sorts act as if stripping citizens of any chance at what used to be the American dream, and undoing the idea of a nation of immigrants being a GOOD idea? It makes me feel like there isn’t too much more to lose, if those bastards have their way. And you know what they say about people with nothing left to lose, right? They become radicalized easily.
Frankly, it is how America has helped create terrorists around the globe for decades. It is how the media let Trump voters off the fucking hook — claiming those poor white guys had nothing left to lose once us feminizes and gays and pagans and commies and dreaded minorities “took over”. Never fucking mind that technology and rich corporate fucks had more to do with those poor white guys losing out than ANY of us horrid scary non-white, non-male, non-Christian people!
So keep making the MAJORITY of Americans feel that the things that define being American are being destroyed. Keep making veterans that fought to protect the rights enshrined in the Bill of Rights only count for some people instead of everyone. Keep making ordinary protest difficult or illegal. Keep telling people they don’t even have to right to ask questions or hold public officials accountable. Keep saying the American taxpayers have no right to know where that other 1%, the military members, are being sent to bleed for unscrupulous purposes. Keep telling parents that it is a privilege, not a right, to be able to afford keeping sick children ALIVE. Keep treating people of color as if they are not people at all. Keep locking people up in for-profit prisons to benefit the few. Keep barring immigrants – the people who frankly, built this fucking nation.
What do YOU non-gentlemen, non-scholars of the Right have to lose when one day, the 99% REALLY wakes up to what a few rich, selfish, old white bastards are doing at the behest of the REAL “red-headed step-child” of America? Specially since your only gospel was that “everybody must get
stoned guns.” Oh, did I forget to mention? Guns are not only for the right-wingers, so if you think THAT will keep your racist, hateful selves safe? Oh, honey…..